A Marriage Made In Curlers
My friend Felicia called me the other day to tell me the news: it seems that she is considering getting married again. Since this would be hubby number 7, I asked her why in the world she thought number 7 would be any different than any of the others.
“Because,” she replied, “I have done a lot of soul searching. I know exactly what I want and what I don’t want, and exactly why things didn’t work out before. I have found that I do not need a man in my life to be complete. I am who I am.” I guess she has been reading Dr. Phil again.
Anywho, I asked Felicia to tell all about this new man, and tell me what exactly she did that was different. She then told me that this time, she had forced him to get to know the real her. Intrigued, I had to know just what that meat.
“I didn’t put on airs,” she told me. “this time, I let him see the real me. The first night he came over, I answered the door with my hair in curlers wearing a moo-moo. I made him sit and wait for an hour while I got myself ready. Truthfully, I was ready in 5 minutes, but he didn’t need to know that”.
She went on. “Then, when we got in his car, I didn’t even ask, and I took out a cigarette and lit it up. I proceeded to tell him all about my family, my ex-husbands, my run-ins with the law, and my flow problems during that time of the month. All of this was before we even got to the restaurant.”
She then told of how she made him listen to her stories about her glory days in high school, how bad her last 5 bosses had been to her, her troubles with the IRS, and why she hated Britney Spears. She then went on to exhibit terrible table manners, called the waiter “Sugar lips” and even cried about how no one ever asked her out for a second date..
Needless to say, I sat there in total shock at what this woman had done to this poor man. I am not sure but what I would not have ran to the bathroom and crawled out the window. And yet, this man had actually stayed!
“Finally” she told me,”we got back to my house. I just knew that this was the last time I would see him, because he now knew the real me. So I asked him, real firm like ‘Well I guess YOU won’t be coming back for a second date either, huh?”
She said that he just looked at her for a minute, and a smile came across his face. Then he said to her “ Oh yeah, I’ll be back. This was absolutely the single worst date I have ever had in my life. Nothing else even comes close. But you know, that got me to thinking. What kind of a person goes out of their way to scare me off on the first date?
“Then I figured it out. It must be someone who thinks I am so wonderful, that they are really scared that I will hurt them. And anybody who could think I am that wonderful, well, I reckon I just got to see them again.”
Now I don’t know for sure that this marriage is going to be any different than the other 7; but I do know that this time, Felicia has probably met her match..
“Because,” she replied, “I have done a lot of soul searching. I know exactly what I want and what I don’t want, and exactly why things didn’t work out before. I have found that I do not need a man in my life to be complete. I am who I am.” I guess she has been reading Dr. Phil again.
Anywho, I asked Felicia to tell all about this new man, and tell me what exactly she did that was different. She then told me that this time, she had forced him to get to know the real her. Intrigued, I had to know just what that meat.
“I didn’t put on airs,” she told me. “this time, I let him see the real me. The first night he came over, I answered the door with my hair in curlers wearing a moo-moo. I made him sit and wait for an hour while I got myself ready. Truthfully, I was ready in 5 minutes, but he didn’t need to know that”.
She went on. “Then, when we got in his car, I didn’t even ask, and I took out a cigarette and lit it up. I proceeded to tell him all about my family, my ex-husbands, my run-ins with the law, and my flow problems during that time of the month. All of this was before we even got to the restaurant.”
She then told of how she made him listen to her stories about her glory days in high school, how bad her last 5 bosses had been to her, her troubles with the IRS, and why she hated Britney Spears. She then went on to exhibit terrible table manners, called the waiter “Sugar lips” and even cried about how no one ever asked her out for a second date..
Needless to say, I sat there in total shock at what this woman had done to this poor man. I am not sure but what I would not have ran to the bathroom and crawled out the window. And yet, this man had actually stayed!
“Finally” she told me,”we got back to my house. I just knew that this was the last time I would see him, because he now knew the real me. So I asked him, real firm like ‘Well I guess YOU won’t be coming back for a second date either, huh?”
She said that he just looked at her for a minute, and a smile came across his face. Then he said to her “ Oh yeah, I’ll be back. This was absolutely the single worst date I have ever had in my life. Nothing else even comes close. But you know, that got me to thinking. What kind of a person goes out of their way to scare me off on the first date?
“Then I figured it out. It must be someone who thinks I am so wonderful, that they are really scared that I will hurt them. And anybody who could think I am that wonderful, well, I reckon I just got to see them again.”
Now I don’t know for sure that this marriage is going to be any different than the other 7; but I do know that this time, Felicia has probably met her match..
posted by Rick Quick | 7:05 AM
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