Stuffed turkey, Anyone?

Sometimes, people tell you stories that are a slight bit unbelievable. They make themselves out to be the hero, and you know in your heart that what they are telling you isn’t what really happened, but you still listen because it is so entertaining. This is not one of those stories.

I ran into my friend Terri the other day. She recently moved back up here, after going through a fun filled divorce. And as all rednecks do, we sat around and swapped stories. Hence, she told me this one, and I swear it is probably all true.

It seems that her ex-husband Jimbo was just a bit on the jealous side. Every time she went somewhere, he would call her constantly, sometimes drive to where she was to spy on her, and he would throw a fit if she was a slight bit late returning from anywhere. This was apparent to anyone who knew them

Recently, Terri went to the grocery store while her Ex stayed home. She shopped a while, and since she is one of those friendly people who could talk to a stump, she gossiped with everyone in the store as usual. This extra yakking put her 30 minutes late getting home. And of course, Jimbo was in a jealous rage because of this.

She found him standing at the front door, and boy, he was mad. He started screaming and hollering. He accused her of having an affair with the butcher at the grocery store. He called her every name in the book, and then he made a critical mistake; he pushed her down the steps.

Now we all know that men are not supposed to hit women, and vice-versa. That has been instilled in me since I was a very little boy, as it has to most of y’all, I am sure. But evidently this guy’s jealousy had him in such a state that he thought he would show her who was boss and slap her around a bit

So what did Terri do? She got up and reached into her shopping bag. There she located a sizeable defensive weapon: one frozen turkey. She then proceeded to beat the living tar out of his man with a frozen turkey.

Now, I have seen lots of things in my life, but I can not imagine seeing a 6’5” man literally having the stuffing beat out of him with a frozen turkey, while listening to a woman yell “I told you to NEVER put your hands on me”.

Eventually the neighbors stopped laughing long enough to call the cops. When they arrived, they too had a good laugh. They didn’t arrest anyone, as they felt justice had been served in this foul situation.

In the end, Terri and her husband became Ex’s that day, and it’s probably for the best. She has now moved back home, and is determined to get her life back together. But to me, I can not now look at her without seeing that picture in my mind of her whacking Jimbo with that frozen turkey.
I guess I’ll never look at Thanksgiving the same way again…