The Official Redneck List
Well, turkey day is now in the books. No longer will we have to deal with all of the stores playing turkey song, and all of those shoppers rushing out to get those last minute turkey gifts. Yes, friends, we can now focus on what’s really important: my Christmas list.
Like most people my age, I have pretty much everything I ever wanted. Through the years you amass stuff a little at a time, and one day you look around and think “Geez!, What else could I ever possibly need?” And while a new truck or boat would be nice, it’s probably not something Santa is going to be able to drop down the chimney.
As such, we older folks slowly become what younger folks call “hard-to-buy-for”. Each of you has probably had to deal with a person like this in your life. No matter what you look at, they either have it, don’t want it, or wouldn’t understand what to do with it in the first place. Sadly, according to my children, I have now reached this status.
Hence,they are is forcing me to make a list. So right now, right here in this blog, I am presenting the Rick Quick Christmas List. You folks might want to pay extra attention, as these wonderful gift ideas apply to most rednecks, with or without teeth.
1) Air tools. You can’t go wrong with air tools. And they don’t have to be the expensive ones wither. An Air sander, grinder, snipper, screwer, pounder, driver, or even an air chuck will do. Ask any redneck: you can never have enough air chucks. Them things have legs of their own.
2) Jeans. No matter how many pairs of jeans the average redneck has, he will always need more. By age 40 most of us have stopped growing, so even if we put them in the closet for 5 years, we can still wear them then. That beer gut may change your shirt size, but it rarely affects your jeans size.
3) Lawn Art. Yeah, I know this sounds a little kooky, but hear me out on this one. By giving said redneck Lawn Art, you prevent him from being drug all over town by his spouse/girlfriend/significant other (whatever those are) to shop for said Lawn Art. And as we all know, spouses/girlfriends/significant others only feel the sudden need to go Yard Art shopping when LSU is playing on TV. Which brings us to number 4.
4) Anything with LSU on it. You see, I am raising 3 little Tigers. The more LSU stuff they see, the more it becomes important to them to go LSU, instead of one of them fancy-named colleges which will bankrupt me and force me to sell my air tool collection. Other local schools are acceptable too, provided they don’t produce more lawyers than Ag majors.
5) Socks. Yeah, I know. We all think of socks as a “sorry but I couldn’t think of anything else” type of gift. But the truth is, they don’t make socks like they used to. Today’s socks wear out after two good washings, and they get holey after three. So give your redneck some socks, and prevent him from embarrassing his spouse by showing the holey-toe when he goes to buy boots. And socks with LSU written on them count for double bonus points.
So there you have it. 5 great ideas that will work for most any and all rednecks. Now y’all can rush out and buy gifts and be confident that you won’t put a strain on the return line at Wal-Mart on December 26. And heaven knows rednecks hate retuning things.
That’s how re-gifting was born….
Like most people my age, I have pretty much everything I ever wanted. Through the years you amass stuff a little at a time, and one day you look around and think “Geez!, What else could I ever possibly need?” And while a new truck or boat would be nice, it’s probably not something Santa is going to be able to drop down the chimney.
As such, we older folks slowly become what younger folks call “hard-to-buy-for”. Each of you has probably had to deal with a person like this in your life. No matter what you look at, they either have it, don’t want it, or wouldn’t understand what to do with it in the first place. Sadly, according to my children, I have now reached this status.
Hence,they are is forcing me to make a list. So right now, right here in this blog, I am presenting the Rick Quick Christmas List. You folks might want to pay extra attention, as these wonderful gift ideas apply to most rednecks, with or without teeth.
1) Air tools. You can’t go wrong with air tools. And they don’t have to be the expensive ones wither. An Air sander, grinder, snipper, screwer, pounder, driver, or even an air chuck will do. Ask any redneck: you can never have enough air chucks. Them things have legs of their own.
2) Jeans. No matter how many pairs of jeans the average redneck has, he will always need more. By age 40 most of us have stopped growing, so even if we put them in the closet for 5 years, we can still wear them then. That beer gut may change your shirt size, but it rarely affects your jeans size.
3) Lawn Art. Yeah, I know this sounds a little kooky, but hear me out on this one. By giving said redneck Lawn Art, you prevent him from being drug all over town by his spouse/girlfriend/significant other (whatever those are) to shop for said Lawn Art. And as we all know, spouses/girlfriends/significant others only feel the sudden need to go Yard Art shopping when LSU is playing on TV. Which brings us to number 4.
4) Anything with LSU on it. You see, I am raising 3 little Tigers. The more LSU stuff they see, the more it becomes important to them to go LSU, instead of one of them fancy-named colleges which will bankrupt me and force me to sell my air tool collection. Other local schools are acceptable too, provided they don’t produce more lawyers than Ag majors.
5) Socks. Yeah, I know. We all think of socks as a “sorry but I couldn’t think of anything else” type of gift. But the truth is, they don’t make socks like they used to. Today’s socks wear out after two good washings, and they get holey after three. So give your redneck some socks, and prevent him from embarrassing his spouse by showing the holey-toe when he goes to buy boots. And socks with LSU written on them count for double bonus points.
So there you have it. 5 great ideas that will work for most any and all rednecks. Now y’all can rush out and buy gifts and be confident that you won’t put a strain on the return line at Wal-Mart on December 26. And heaven knows rednecks hate retuning things.
That’s how re-gifting was born….
posted by Rick Quick | 1:35 PM
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