Rednecks Ain't Chicken
I ran into my old friend Billy down at the pool hall last weekend. Billy is the only guy I know that lost his teeth in a hunting accident. He got drunk, fell out of his duck blind, and landed face first with the duck call still stuck in his mouth. Needless to say, that’s a lesson for us all; when you get drunk and fall out of your duck blind, remember to spit out the duck call first.
Anywho, I sat down and I asked old Billy what he had been up to. It seems that he and his 5th wife Wendy were out celebrating the fact that she has out lasted all five of his other wives combined. In other words, they were celebrating their six month anniversary.
“I tell you Rick” he said to me, “Sometimes it seems like I been married to her all my life. She knows what I am thinking before I even done thought it. Just last week, I was watching the Saints game, and she went and shot a whole through the television. Heck, it was the end of the next quarter before I thought of doing that. It’s scary how she knows me so well.”
Intrigued, I asked Billy what he thought was the secret to finally getting things right, especially after 4 failed marriages, 3 palimony suits, an ugly scandal involving an affair with a local politicians wife, and that other case that is still pending in courts in 3 states.
“Rick,” Billy told me, “I am gonna let you in on a little secret. The only reason I ever did all that stuff was because it was all I knew how to do. Now, Wendy done taught me to do macramé and cross stitch, and I enjoy it. I am finally in touch with my feminine side, and by gosh I like it. I can now cry at the movies, talk about our relationship, and I have joined the local Quilting club. Maybe if you play your cards right, I’ll make you a nice blanket one of these days.”
And do you know what I did? I just sat there with my mouth open. I could not believe this was my friend, the man who had spent his off days wrasslin’ alligators and winning. I was shocked. When did the world get turned upside down? Was I sleeping that day?
It was then that he let out a big old laugh. “Gotcha!” he hollered. “Man, you know me better than that.” Then he slowly rolled his eyes, looked around the room, and said to me “It’s the chicken man. That woman can cook fried chicken like no one I ever met. And everyone knows that the road to a redneck’s heart is paved with fried chicken.”
Relieved, I spent a little more time with Billy and Wendy. Finally, I decide it was time and I hit the road to go home. And be danged if I didn't suddenly have the urge for some fried chicken. Heck, I guess me and Billy ain’t that different after all.
I do wonder one thing though: how does he eat that chicken with no teeth?
Anywho, I sat down and I asked old Billy what he had been up to. It seems that he and his 5th wife Wendy were out celebrating the fact that she has out lasted all five of his other wives combined. In other words, they were celebrating their six month anniversary.
“I tell you Rick” he said to me, “Sometimes it seems like I been married to her all my life. She knows what I am thinking before I even done thought it. Just last week, I was watching the Saints game, and she went and shot a whole through the television. Heck, it was the end of the next quarter before I thought of doing that. It’s scary how she knows me so well.”
Intrigued, I asked Billy what he thought was the secret to finally getting things right, especially after 4 failed marriages, 3 palimony suits, an ugly scandal involving an affair with a local politicians wife, and that other case that is still pending in courts in 3 states.
“Rick,” Billy told me, “I am gonna let you in on a little secret. The only reason I ever did all that stuff was because it was all I knew how to do. Now, Wendy done taught me to do macramé and cross stitch, and I enjoy it. I am finally in touch with my feminine side, and by gosh I like it. I can now cry at the movies, talk about our relationship, and I have joined the local Quilting club. Maybe if you play your cards right, I’ll make you a nice blanket one of these days.”
And do you know what I did? I just sat there with my mouth open. I could not believe this was my friend, the man who had spent his off days wrasslin’ alligators and winning. I was shocked. When did the world get turned upside down? Was I sleeping that day?
It was then that he let out a big old laugh. “Gotcha!” he hollered. “Man, you know me better than that.” Then he slowly rolled his eyes, looked around the room, and said to me “It’s the chicken man. That woman can cook fried chicken like no one I ever met. And everyone knows that the road to a redneck’s heart is paved with fried chicken.”
Relieved, I spent a little more time with Billy and Wendy. Finally, I decide it was time and I hit the road to go home. And be danged if I didn't suddenly have the urge for some fried chicken. Heck, I guess me and Billy ain’t that different after all.
I do wonder one thing though: how does he eat that chicken with no teeth?
posted by Rick Quick | 11:34 PM
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