A Salty Dog Never Gets Licked
Often times, people will tell me stories about their life. For what, I do not know; I guess they figure that one day I might write a story about the story they are telling me. And the funny thing is, sometimes I do. However, I caution each of you: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!!
It was a Saturday afternoon, and Joe was celebrating the fact that it was Saturday. Of course, he usually celebrated any day that ended in the letter “Y”, but this was a special time. It seems that his wife had finally decided to mow the lawn.
Now for those of you who don’t know Joe well, he is one of the most ornery people that I know. A few weeks earlier, his wife had made mention to him that he had done a lousy job of mowing. This ticked him off and he dicided that to get even, he would let the yard grow until his wife got fed up, and mowed it herself.
So far, his plan was working.
So, armed with a lawn chair, a package of Oreos, and a 6 pack of beer, Joe sat on the porch and watched as his wife whizzed around their 3 foot high lawn. He giggled as time and again, the mower would die, due to the tall grass choking the blades. Every time, his wife would restart, go about 50 feet, and then the thing would die again.
This went on for about 2 hours, with him laughing and her cussing, until finally she had the entire yard mowed. Joe then went into the house, feeling that justice had been served, and never again would his wife accuse him of poor yard management.
About 15 minutes later, Joe got a call from his neighbor, asking him if he had seen what his wife was doing. He looked outside, to find that his wife was sitting on the porch with a book, a glass of tea, and a lighter. She had drained the gas tank on his mower, and promptly ignited the entire machine.
Joe ran like a madman for the water hose, but it was now cut into pieces. It seems that his wife had ran over it while she was mowing, because it was hidden under the grass. And though he tried bringing and throwing pitchers of water on the fire, it was too late; his prized mower slowly burned until the rubber in the tires melted to the ground.
He turned to his wife of 15 years, and yelled “What in the &^*% did you do that for?”
She slowly put down her tea glass, closed her book, and said to him “The way I figure it, you got 2 choices; you can either start mowing the lawn again, or I can do it. The choice is yours, but I will tell you that if I have to do it, we are gonna run up a heck of a bill down to the Lawn and Garden store.”
Needless to say, last time I drove by Joe’s house, he was out there on his new tractor and doing a might respectable job of mowing his lawn. And his wife was there, sitting on the porch drinking her tea and waving to folks as they drove by.
But I wondered if she had a lighter beside her, just in case.
It was a Saturday afternoon, and Joe was celebrating the fact that it was Saturday. Of course, he usually celebrated any day that ended in the letter “Y”, but this was a special time. It seems that his wife had finally decided to mow the lawn.
Now for those of you who don’t know Joe well, he is one of the most ornery people that I know. A few weeks earlier, his wife had made mention to him that he had done a lousy job of mowing. This ticked him off and he dicided that to get even, he would let the yard grow until his wife got fed up, and mowed it herself.
So far, his plan was working.
So, armed with a lawn chair, a package of Oreos, and a 6 pack of beer, Joe sat on the porch and watched as his wife whizzed around their 3 foot high lawn. He giggled as time and again, the mower would die, due to the tall grass choking the blades. Every time, his wife would restart, go about 50 feet, and then the thing would die again.
This went on for about 2 hours, with him laughing and her cussing, until finally she had the entire yard mowed. Joe then went into the house, feeling that justice had been served, and never again would his wife accuse him of poor yard management.
About 15 minutes later, Joe got a call from his neighbor, asking him if he had seen what his wife was doing. He looked outside, to find that his wife was sitting on the porch with a book, a glass of tea, and a lighter. She had drained the gas tank on his mower, and promptly ignited the entire machine.
Joe ran like a madman for the water hose, but it was now cut into pieces. It seems that his wife had ran over it while she was mowing, because it was hidden under the grass. And though he tried bringing and throwing pitchers of water on the fire, it was too late; his prized mower slowly burned until the rubber in the tires melted to the ground.
He turned to his wife of 15 years, and yelled “What in the &^*% did you do that for?”
She slowly put down her tea glass, closed her book, and said to him “The way I figure it, you got 2 choices; you can either start mowing the lawn again, or I can do it. The choice is yours, but I will tell you that if I have to do it, we are gonna run up a heck of a bill down to the Lawn and Garden store.”
Needless to say, last time I drove by Joe’s house, he was out there on his new tractor and doing a might respectable job of mowing his lawn. And his wife was there, sitting on the porch drinking her tea and waving to folks as they drove by.
But I wondered if she had a lighter beside her, just in case.
posted by Rick Quick | 6:13 PM
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