What's The Speed Limit Here?
I was talking to a friend today, and she is in the processes of a new relationship. She's met a guy, they have gone out a couple of times, and now she doesn't know what to do. She likes him, thinks he likes her, they might be great together, but he might have a dark side, he might just be seeing her because there is no one else around, he might ask for money, but he did pay for dinner, he compliments her, but he might think she is too fat, and on and on and on and so forth and such.
Whew! By the time she got quiet, I thought my head was going to explode!
Anywho, what she brought up was a very valid question: how do you know how fast (or how slow) to go in a relationship? Should you jump right in, throw yourself at the other person, and say "Here I am! Take me away"? Or should you play hard to get, only answer the phone every 3rd time, ignore most emails, and pretend to be so busy that you forgot, sending the other person the message that they need to work harder to get your attention?
Well, that is one tough question. And I don't have a damn clue what to tell her. How do people know what to do? How do you keep from pushing so fast that you scare the other person off, or pull back so much that they lose interest? Do people send out "vibes" that you are supposed to sense and then follow? What if your vibe-detector is broken? Then you might forever run off and dis-interest everyone!
Truth is, we're all probably guilty of doing both, at one time or the other. And based on how things worked out the last time, we are most likely to do the opposite the next time. Who knows which will actually work!
Every person is different, every situation is different, and it's tough to get everything right. The law of averages says that most relation ships do not work out period. Otherwise, most of us would still be with the first person that we ever dated.
Dancing the fine line between go/stop/reverse requires more brainpower than most of us have, and if you let it, it will take you over and render you useless, lying forever in the fetal position chanting "I went too fast! No, Too slow! No, too fast!" until the milk in the refrigerator evolves into a new kind of life form, and eats you.
So what to do? Quit worrying about it. As I told her, if you scare someone off, or they lose interest, maybe that was what was supposed to happen. Maybe, no matter which way you chose, it was going to be the wrong way. Maybe, just maybe, the timing is wrong, or you part your hair on the wrong side, or your toenails are painted too white, or he saw that one ear was bigger than the other, or you had something in your teeth, or your perfume stunk.
STOP IT!! You can't control everything. So quit trying! Just let things be, and enjoy the ride. You'll be a lot more likely to find someone who likes you for you once you quit worrying and just be you!
So, um, who are you again?
Whew! By the time she got quiet, I thought my head was going to explode!
Anywho, what she brought up was a very valid question: how do you know how fast (or how slow) to go in a relationship? Should you jump right in, throw yourself at the other person, and say "Here I am! Take me away"? Or should you play hard to get, only answer the phone every 3rd time, ignore most emails, and pretend to be so busy that you forgot, sending the other person the message that they need to work harder to get your attention?
Well, that is one tough question. And I don't have a damn clue what to tell her. How do people know what to do? How do you keep from pushing so fast that you scare the other person off, or pull back so much that they lose interest? Do people send out "vibes" that you are supposed to sense and then follow? What if your vibe-detector is broken? Then you might forever run off and dis-interest everyone!
Truth is, we're all probably guilty of doing both, at one time or the other. And based on how things worked out the last time, we are most likely to do the opposite the next time. Who knows which will actually work!
Every person is different, every situation is different, and it's tough to get everything right. The law of averages says that most relation ships do not work out period. Otherwise, most of us would still be with the first person that we ever dated.
Dancing the fine line between go/stop/reverse requires more brainpower than most of us have, and if you let it, it will take you over and render you useless, lying forever in the fetal position chanting "I went too fast! No, Too slow! No, too fast!" until the milk in the refrigerator evolves into a new kind of life form, and eats you.
So what to do? Quit worrying about it. As I told her, if you scare someone off, or they lose interest, maybe that was what was supposed to happen. Maybe, no matter which way you chose, it was going to be the wrong way. Maybe, just maybe, the timing is wrong, or you part your hair on the wrong side, or your toenails are painted too white, or he saw that one ear was bigger than the other, or you had something in your teeth, or your perfume stunk.
STOP IT!! You can't control everything. So quit trying! Just let things be, and enjoy the ride. You'll be a lot more likely to find someone who likes you for you once you quit worrying and just be you!
So, um, who are you again?
posted by Rick Quick | 6:04 PM
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