Love Me, Or I'll Punch You!
Jealousy. The mere mention of that word scares the absolute hell out of me. It causes fights, beatings, stabbings, shootings, friendships to end, families to breakup, and sometimes even the death of one or both people involved, or worse, to an innocent bystander. It is probably the single most frightening emotion that any human can have.
Thankfully, I'm not the type to be jealous. I guess I don't think about fooling around, so it never dawns on me that anyone I am dating/married to/shack-up with/have tied-up in the barn/etc would do that either. Yeah, I've been bit by that, but so what? My thinking wasn't wrong; I was just dealing about the wrong person.
That doesn't mean, though, that at times it doesn't rear its ugly head either. If one of my co-workers won the lottery, I'd sure be jealous! And if someone I was dating ended up spending a week at a tropical resort full of male strippers, well, I guess in that case I really wouldn't be jealous, because I have no desires to be on a tropical island full of male strippers. But I sure might feel inadequate!
This is probably why I have a a very hard time dealing with anyone who is the jealous type. Oh, I've been there, and it ain't pretty. I feel smothered, controlled, and pushed into a little bitty space. It enrages me, and eventually puts me in a position where I lash back. Plain stated, if you think I am going to fool around, then you don't know me; and if you don't know me, then we have no business being together.
I figured out that the more freedom each person has, the more they enjoy their time with each other, and the the more loyal they become to each other. Each person has to have the ability to enjoy their day, meet the people they need and want to meet, do what they need, and to be themselves without constantly wondering if this is something that is going to upset their partner. It also allows partners to have experiences separately, which gives them something to talk about later.
I can't tell you how many times i have heard women complain about "their man" going to lunch/dinner/talking/whatever with another woman. Does being in a relationship really mean that I can't have contact with other women? That's ridiculous. I've got friends that I have known since we were kids. If I was the kind of person who would do that to a friend just because my date is jealous, then I'd also be the kind of person who'd be jealous of a partner if she talked with another guy. And if I ever become that guy, well, shoot me and put me out of my misery.
Looking at it from a logical point of view, if someone I am dating were to be asked out by another guy, shouldn't I trust their decision? Isn't begin in a relationship totally about trusting someone?
If they want to go out and run around, what can I do? Throw a fit? Lecture? Beat them up? And when that is done, what have I accomplished? I still have someone who would rather be somewhere else than with me. The next opportunity they get, they are going to take. I am going to waste my time constantly wondering what they are doing. Is that any way to live?
No thanks. It's a "Have fun and enjoy your life. Send me a postcard."
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt to be rejected like that. Rejection sucks, plain and simple. But time heals all wounds, and eventually you will find someone that wants to be with you because they think you are awesome. But if you are still trying to win a lost cause, the person who thinks you are awesome will never stop by.
Jealousy is a low self-esteem kind of emotion, and it slowly drains the life out of everyone that it touches. If you are in a relationship with someone who is jealous, my advice is always the same: get out. It may seem cute today that he is beating up some other guy for looking at you; but tomorrow, when he is beating you for lookign at some other guy, it won't seem near as cute.
Thankfully, I'm not the type to be jealous. I guess I don't think about fooling around, so it never dawns on me that anyone I am dating/married to/shack-up with/have tied-up in the barn/etc would do that either. Yeah, I've been bit by that, but so what? My thinking wasn't wrong; I was just dealing about the wrong person.
That doesn't mean, though, that at times it doesn't rear its ugly head either. If one of my co-workers won the lottery, I'd sure be jealous! And if someone I was dating ended up spending a week at a tropical resort full of male strippers, well, I guess in that case I really wouldn't be jealous, because I have no desires to be on a tropical island full of male strippers. But I sure might feel inadequate!
This is probably why I have a a very hard time dealing with anyone who is the jealous type. Oh, I've been there, and it ain't pretty. I feel smothered, controlled, and pushed into a little bitty space. It enrages me, and eventually puts me in a position where I lash back. Plain stated, if you think I am going to fool around, then you don't know me; and if you don't know me, then we have no business being together.
I figured out that the more freedom each person has, the more they enjoy their time with each other, and the the more loyal they become to each other. Each person has to have the ability to enjoy their day, meet the people they need and want to meet, do what they need, and to be themselves without constantly wondering if this is something that is going to upset their partner. It also allows partners to have experiences separately, which gives them something to talk about later.
I can't tell you how many times i have heard women complain about "their man" going to lunch/dinner/talking/whatever with another woman. Does being in a relationship really mean that I can't have contact with other women? That's ridiculous. I've got friends that I have known since we were kids. If I was the kind of person who would do that to a friend just because my date is jealous, then I'd also be the kind of person who'd be jealous of a partner if she talked with another guy. And if I ever become that guy, well, shoot me and put me out of my misery.
Looking at it from a logical point of view, if someone I am dating were to be asked out by another guy, shouldn't I trust their decision? Isn't begin in a relationship totally about trusting someone?
If they want to go out and run around, what can I do? Throw a fit? Lecture? Beat them up? And when that is done, what have I accomplished? I still have someone who would rather be somewhere else than with me. The next opportunity they get, they are going to take. I am going to waste my time constantly wondering what they are doing. Is that any way to live?
No thanks. It's a "Have fun and enjoy your life. Send me a postcard."
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt to be rejected like that. Rejection sucks, plain and simple. But time heals all wounds, and eventually you will find someone that wants to be with you because they think you are awesome. But if you are still trying to win a lost cause, the person who thinks you are awesome will never stop by.
Jealousy is a low self-esteem kind of emotion, and it slowly drains the life out of everyone that it touches. If you are in a relationship with someone who is jealous, my advice is always the same: get out. It may seem cute today that he is beating up some other guy for looking at you; but tomorrow, when he is beating you for lookign at some other guy, it won't seem near as cute.
posted by Rick Quick | 6:08 AM
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