Money For People

I spent some time with a friend recently. She told me all about her life over the last few years, all the things she has done, the places she went, the people that she met. It was all impressive and there might have been a twinge of jealousy on my part at things I had missed out on through the years. When you are in parenting mode, the rest of the world seems nonexistent at times.

As I was imagining how wonderful this life of hers must be, she continued to talk. And that’s when the turn started. As we are in the store looking at some gifts for a coming baby shower, she finds this little reindeer suit. And as we talk about Christmas, she tells me “I don’t put up a Christmas tree. There’s no need. It’s just me”.

Freaking floored. Literally standing there with my mouth open. Thankfully, the shocking drool didn’t pile up on the floor, so she didn’t notice. No Christmas tree? Woah, who doesn’t do that?

She has a child, has her mother, and yet lives 600 miles away, in an apartment that could probably qualify for “US Homes That Don’t Look Lived In”. Picture perfect, everything matches, probably the toilet paper in the guest bathroom even has one corner tucked under.

But no Christmas tree. No family around for those little everyday talks, even if they are sometimes grouchy. No birthday celebrations, no Easter plans, no nothing except all adult, all the time. Alone. In an apartment. Damn.

As we continued shopping (me being the glorified bag carrier) she continued to show me what she liked. Fine china. Huh? Expensive purses and shoes. What? More clothes than I have probably owned in the last 10 years combined. Why?

And so, I asked point blank: “why do you continue living there?”

“Because” she said, “I can make more money living there. And I have seniority at my job and don’t want to give that up. And some friends.”

So much was revealed and explained to me in that one series of thoughts. Suddenly I could feel the incredible pains of lonliness, my heart literally bleeding for her at that moment. The tough outer shell she presents, the constant jokes, the semi-warmth, all of it suddenly made sense.

Though I didn’t say anything, inside, my mind was reeling. The bitter reality hit me on the tradeoff that she had made. Money for people. Sure, she had a few dollars, and was respected at work, and had people to go out with. But no Christmas tree.

Frick.

And of course, you know what I did. Immediately, without hesitation, I wanted to fix it. I mean, shit, that’s what I do isn’t it?

Not anymore. My fixer is broken, smashed into a thousand pieces, never to be re-assembled and used again. I can not fix the damn world, no matter how much I want to.

When my kids talk with me about problems their friends have, I tell then “You didn’t start it, so you aren’t in control of it, so you can’t fix it. You can listen, be supportive, but you can’t fix it. You are not God.” And so now I have to take my own advice.

She made the trade and she lives with it. It’s not at all what I would do, but it isn’t me. I have no place in it at all. So I’ll do what I do, write what I write, and sing what I sing. She lives her life by her decisions, I live by mine, and narry the two shall meet!

My name is really Rick, not “The Fixer”.

Hey, kids, remember that I love you. The rest of the family too. And I ain’t going no where.

Is That Love To Me?

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

I see the above on a lot of things. You can find it on billboards, on placards at Walmart, and you will see it scribed all over various websites, in all types of itenerations. The words may be slightly changed, but the meaning is the same.

Few people realize that is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Yeah, I'm a redneck who has been known to quote a bible verse or two at times. Get over it!

These days, we so rarely go through the process of defining what love is . Too often it's just a word that is used to get a certain reaction. You want someone to do something for you? Just tell them you love them. You want them to go away? Tell them you love them too much. They still won't do what you want? Threaten to not love them anymore.

The word is used so much, that the meaning has totally been lost.

But what I really like about the verses above, are that they define what love actually is, and to a greater degree, what it is not. It's kind, it's patient, and it stands through all things. It's not manipulative, vengeful, or used as a weapon to get others to love us.

And more importantly, and people tend to forget this: Love is forever. You can't just un-love someone.

Now that last statement always causes a few problems. People all the time tell each opther "I hate you", and think Hate is the opposite of love. It isn't. Hate is a simple way of saying "I love you, and I can not stand to be around someone I love that does what you do". Think about that for a second.

"I love you and I can not stand to be around someone I love that does what you do". See, there isn't a "but" in there. It's an "and". That's because both statements are true. If someone cheated on you, and you hate them for it, what you are really saying is that you can't stand to be around them because of their actions. You still feel the love, and that is what is at the center of your emotions.

The opposite of love is all together different: it's total apathy. You have no feelings at all for a person. they might as well have been born on a different planet.

I want it understood what I mean when I say "I Love you", It means exactly that: I love you today, tomorrow, and forever, no arrogance, no games, unprovoked, nothing in return expected, or needed. We may not always agree, we may not be able to stand to be around each other, but that love never stops and it never ever goes away, even in the darkest of times. It is always there, has always been there, and will always be there. It's my choice, and nothing you can do will ever stop that love.

Love is not a game to be played; it's the highest form of respect and honor that anyone can show to and for you. Treat it with honor, as it will always honor you.

They Call Me The Fireman

I am amazed at the amount of people in this world who are terrible firefighters. At times in life, there are going to be a few fires. But trying to stop those by setting another fire just makes no sense. If someone burns you, then burning them back is a total waste of time. It will lead to, at best, a feeling of a very hollow victory for a short period of time. In the end, the hollow felling gets bigger until there is simply nothing left but a shell of an empty person.

Vengence is stupid. I have a different approach:

When I get burned, I use water to put the fire out. Permanently. No excuses, no hard feelings, just an end. Capoot. Done. Over.

Doing that allows me to continue on my merry way, and the offending party can go onto who ever their next unsuspecting victim is. Why hold onto a grudge against someone who doesn’t like you anyway?

You fight fire with water. It’s that simple. Now get out there and make the world a wetter place to live!