Turn On The Dang Light!

The more I pay attention, the more I notice a disturbing tendency in relationships. People put down their partner and trash them because they can't deal with their partner out-shining them. Whether is be one plays softball better, one gets more awards due to their work, one is more outgoing and friendly, or maybe one is just a more driven parent, the other partner feels like that is a direct reflection of their weakness, and suddenly goes on the attack.

Fights ensue, emotions get raw, and everything is thrown out of balance. The one getting attention is repeatedly beaten by the harsh comments and anger, and eventually they are faced with a choice: leave, or become a shell of themselves. Too many time, for whatever reason, they choose the latter.

I'm no different than anyone else. If trophies are begin given out, well, I want one too! And sometimes its hard to not get one when the person standing right beside you got the biggest one of them all. You stand there in their shadow, dwarfed by the huge trophy, and suddenly you feel forgotten and small and insignificant. And jealous. And mad. And want that trophy for you.

So later you tell them that trophy isn't so big, that what they did was not so great, that anyone could have done that/won that/been that. You just do whatever you can to bring them back down to a level where you are, which is somewhere between a snake's belly and the dirt.

And I'm telling you that's so wrong. You got it all wrong. You ALWAYS let a light that's shining shine as brightly as it can.

Stars, like the sun, shine brightly. And as they light up the sky, some of that reflects off of the planets that revolve around them. They light the planets and give warmth, where once there was dark, cold rock.

If the one that your world revolves around is shining, whether its because they are friendly in a crowd, just plain entertaining, won an award, or just because others think they are as wonderful as you do, let them shine. Be happy for them, support them, and enjoy the fact that they are in their element. Life has enough trials and tribulations; let them grab the light while it's still there!


No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. Acts 8:16

Go Packers!!!

I don't wanna pack! Tell me I don't have to! Vacation is almost over, and now we have to shove stuff in the car to go home. Nothing sucks more than having to pack up all the crud you bought, all the crud you bought, and sort out all the junk before you go home.

For example, I always rent a place with a kitchen. Then we go to the grocery store and buy stuff to cook. We meal plan, make a list, and get the things we need. The problem? We ALWAYS buy too much. I swear, when we are on vacation, everyone turns into a humming bird. A loaf of bread that would last all of 2 days normally is suddenly a week old and turning green.

So now you have to add room for the 4 bags of groceries that we need to take home, right? But it doesn't end there.

There are always things you forgot. You have a perfectly good blowdryer at home, but you forgot it, so you have to buy a new one. Multiply one of those "discoveries" for every day, and suddenly you have an entire bag fool of duplicate stuff. Leaving it behind is wasteful, so you have to take it home, where it will be put in a corner, stored for 3 years, and then sold for 20 cents at a garage sale. But, hey, at least you didn't waste it!

Then there are the souvenirs. Sure, everyone with you gets one, and that may take a up a little room. But it's the ones that you buy for Aunt Martha, your brother, your folks, the people at work, and everyone else in the free world that force a new packing strategy. Guess where they will be in 3 years? Yep, someone else's garage sale. But hey, at least you got them something!

And then there are those "can't live without cause I can only get it here" sort of things, like cheese wheels. Sure they are awesome, taste great, and you'll never have the opportunity to get one again. But they have to be refrigerated, which means you have to pack an ice chest, not unlike the other 43 that you already have at home. But, hey, when the garage sale comes, you can use it to sell drinks from, right?

Then there is that brilliant thought of shopping. Why buy school clothes close to the house, when you can do it on vacation 1000 miles from home? everyone knows that clothes always fit better when the come from some outlet mall that you passed somewhere near St Louis. But, hey, since we can't return them, guess where they will be soon? Nuff said.

Add it all up, and suddenly the vehicle that had plenty of room on the way here now is so packed that I am thinking we may have to mail one of the children home. I'll also get the pleasure of driving with my elbows resting on some sort of bag, my seat pushed forward to allow for the box of stuff that was supposed to be in the trunk, and I'll no longer be able to use the rearview mirror, as the pile of crud is high that it reaches the ceiling.

So as you can see, as tough as it is to pack for a trip, it's worse to pack for the return trip. And heaven forbid that you forget anything, or else you'll have to buy a new pair of tennis shoes when you get home, while the ones you left 3 states away eventually end up in someone else's garage sale. Ugh! Could there be anything worse?

Oh yeah, I forgot: tomorrow I have to unpack all this crud!!

Jeepers! A Creeper!

I took the family on vacation this week. We're a small group: me and 3 kids. We went to a collection of amusement parks and waterparks, which is something we have all discussed doing through the years. As with all vacations, some things work, and some things don't. This may be the last vacation we all get together due to the kid's growing up, and so I hope it has been memorable for them.

As we waited in line for different rides and such, I took the time to look around. What I saw was that I was just about the only person my age participating. Most of the others were lounging around or hanging out, still there, but not in the middle of things. And to that end, it did make me kind of sad.

Being a single parent means that you do a lot of things alone, even when you're with your children. You go to games, plays, school events, and most everything else that your children do, but all the joy, or terror for that matter, that creates memories stays inside you, as there is no one to talk to about it. And that part really sucks sometimes.

I really try not to think about that too much, but I'm only human so it does rear it's ugly head every now and then. I'm very fortunate to have lived a great life, have some great children, and have accomplished pretty much everything that I ever wanted. But at times I still long for that connection, the one that shares everything and adds to the memories.

Will I ever get that? Who knows. Right now I just have to tell myself to keep doing what I do, and to keep creating those memories. When I am long gone, I'd like some of the memories folks have of me to be good ones!

What's The Speed Limit Here?

I was talking to a friend today, and she is in the processes of a new relationship. She's met a guy, they have gone out a couple of times, and now she doesn't know what to do. She likes him, thinks he likes her, they might be great together, but he might have a dark side, he might just be seeing her because there is no one else around, he might ask for money, but he did pay for dinner, he compliments her, but he might think she is too fat, and on and on and on and so forth and such.

Whew! By the time she got quiet, I thought my head was going to explode!

Anywho, what she brought up was a very valid question: how do you know how fast (or how slow) to go in a relationship? Should you jump right in, throw yourself at the other person, and say "Here I am! Take me away"? Or should you play hard to get, only answer the phone every 3rd time, ignore most emails, and pretend to be so busy that you forgot, sending the other person the message that they need to work harder to get your attention?

Well, that is one tough question. And I don't have a damn clue what to tell her. How do people know what to do? How do you keep from pushing so fast that you scare the other person off, or pull back so much that they lose interest? Do people send out "vibes" that you are supposed to sense and then follow? What if your vibe-detector is broken? Then you might forever run off and dis-interest everyone!

Truth is, we're all probably guilty of doing both, at one time or the other. And based on how things worked out the last time, we are most likely to do the opposite the next time. Who knows which will actually work!

Every person is different, every situation is different, and it's tough to get everything right. The law of averages says that most relation ships do not work out period. Otherwise, most of us would still be with the first person that we ever dated.

Dancing the fine line between go/stop/reverse requires more brainpower than most of us have, and if you let it, it will take you over and render you useless, lying forever in the fetal position chanting "I went too fast! No, Too slow! No, too fast!" until the milk in the refrigerator evolves into a new kind of life form, and eats you.

So what to do? Quit worrying about it. As I told her, if you scare someone off, or they lose interest, maybe that was what was supposed to happen. Maybe, no matter which way you chose, it was going to be the wrong way. Maybe, just maybe, the timing is wrong, or you part your hair on the wrong side, or your toenails are painted too white, or he saw that one ear was bigger than the other, or you had something in your teeth, or your perfume stunk.

STOP IT!! You can't control everything. So quit trying! Just let things be, and enjoy the ride. You'll be a lot more likely to find someone who likes you for you once you quit worrying and just be you!

So, um, who are you again?